Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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