we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
