i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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