i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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