i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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