No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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