Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
