A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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