last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
