DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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