you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
