how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
