there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
