nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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