I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
