I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
