I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
