Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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