is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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