did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
