What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I smell stomach acid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize