I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
