Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
