Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
