apparently the secret to your success is patron
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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