4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
