i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
