its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize