I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
