According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and she was petting her beer can
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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