Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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