Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
