In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize