I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
