I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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