Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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