Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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