i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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