i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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