Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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