I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
