Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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