I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Enjoy the penises
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
