I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
