She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
