last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
