Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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