I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it glows. i had to have it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
