he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You ate ashes out of my bong
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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