yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
