i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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