So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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