you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
