If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
