Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize