i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
