no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
