My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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