oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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