he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
