so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
