I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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