im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
