I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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