I wish my penis had an off switch
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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