He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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