how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He felt like a one man threesome
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
