i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
false alarm. still invincible.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
