Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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