Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
