just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
