So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
