I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
