Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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