the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
