you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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