I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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