I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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