she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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