awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
