omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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