I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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