I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
