I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
