Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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