i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
