Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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