And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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