Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
