did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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