just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
