Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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