I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
