Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i came on her dog
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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