Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
