Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
