i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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