I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
