my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
