I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
